When you feel down!

Today has been extremely hard for me. I really feel like giving up on everything. The moment I feel like things are going great.... I have friends to talk to, feeling like I am fine with my adoption things, feeling like I am doing great in school, feeling like I have friends to talk to when I need advice, etc. Once I feel that this is all going great, I feel that things come crashing down. I feel that I am really alone and that I have no friends or family to talk to about all this, then I feel that people don't like me, I feel unloved, I feel that people are just rejecting me, I feel that I am failing big time in school, worrying about having to move, becoming jealous of some friendships, feeling that I just can't do this. Honestly, it is hard, because I don't feel like others understand me. 

This is super hard, I have been going through this all for the past few months. I just wish sometimes that I could just make things better with just a snap of the finger. But it is not that easy. 

I know that God has me go through these things though so that I can grow closer to Him each day as I go through this.

This is an extremely hard time in my life right now, feeling like I have been rejected by many and so many other things. 

But I need to remember that God is sovereign and He is good! I am beyond blessed to have a Savior here for me who is here 24/7. 

Being a Bright Light in this Dark World!

It is so sad to see some things people are posting these days... Things about people thinking they are gay, acting like talking about sex is totally fine for us teens to be talking about and joking around with, bullying people over social media, making jokes about suicide, and so much more.

To be honest, it really hurts me to see people posting things like this. We are not building one another up when we are talking and sharing these things.
As teens we should be wanting to grow in our relationship with the Lord and not be worrying about our relationships with others right now. And we should never in our life be bullying people. God doesn't want us to do this. He wants us to be loving to one another and build one another up in the Lord.
Also, one thing that really hurts me is when I hear people and see people posting things about suicide. Like, making suicide funny or just joking around with it. This is a serious thing guys. No one should be playing around with it. I have heard people share with me of how they feel when they hear others joking around with it, especially if they have had those thoughts before of ending their life. It is super hard when people go through this, and then when people play around and joke about suicide... It is super hurtful to a lot of people that are out there. So watch what you say, because you can't take those words back.

I hope that I can be an encouragement to anyone that is reading this. Because honestly I am learning all these things as well. You are not alone. I have been through many of these things, just as others have.
Don't support or go along with what the world wants. Instead, support and go with what God wants.
Let's be Bright Lights for Jesus in this dark world.

My Best Friend is Walking this Road with me.

About a year and a half ago I started struggling with anxiety extremely bad. It got to the point where I had to go to the doctors. Several doctors weren't helping and they just kept sending me from doctor to doctor. On top of all of my anxiety, it got super frustrating. It got to the point that I just told my mom that I didn't want to see one more doctor. Finally last April we tried seeing another doctor. And she was finally able to tell me what was wrong. Apparently since I have been born I have had problems with my pancreas. And we had never heard that before. So for almost 17 years, I have been struggling with pancreas problems without knowing it. 

Last May I started a very strict diet, and that was extremely hard for me. There were many days of tears and just wanting to give up with it. It honestly was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I did that up until November. When Thanksgiving came around, I started sliding away from the diet little by little. And by Christmas time I was 90% off of the diet. I started really struggling with depression during those times. I didn't realize that it was probably part of me going off of the diet, until recently. Because I was going through a ton other than the diet. 

I went back to the doctors about two weeks ago. I was very scared of going, because I just didn't want the doctor to put me back on this strict diet. I knew that if she would, that I would most likely have a bad attitude about it. So I texted a few friends asking them to be praying for the doctor to have wisdom on what to do with me. And on top of that, pray for my attitude. I didn't want to have a bad attitude if she put me on this diet again, but I knew it would be hard for me not to. 

So I went to the doctors and the doctor decided to put me on that same diet but on for 10 days... Just to cleanse me. And then after 10 days I have to go on Paleo. 

God totally answered prayers.

Right now, I am on the forth day of this cleanse. And to be totally honest, it is so hard for me. I have been having emotional break downs and just have been wanting to give up, but I know that God is doing this all for a reason. 

Yesterday my mother challenged me to write down three positive things about this diet... Here is what I came up with. 

#1. I am getting healed right now, so I won't be sick when I am around 20 years old. 

#2. I am loosing weight... ( That may not be the best reason, but that is a reason that will keep me doing this diet. ) 

The last reason is my main reason...

#3. I am growing so close to the Lord through this

This last reason has been the reason why I haven't quit. I wouldn't change any of my health problems for anything. Because I have grown so close to the Lord this past year. I have lost friends, had problems with adoption stuff, and so many other things, in the midst of being on this diet with health problems. 

From all that is going on, I am learning so much from the Lord. It is just so amazing and I have been growing so close to my Lord and Savior. He is so good to me. He has been through all that I am going through and He is my Best Friend. I am so glad that He understands what I am going through. And He can walk this road with me. 

Feeling Reject? There's Hope.

Are you or have you ever felt like you are being rejected? If so, I want you to know that I have been in the exact place before. It is extremely hard, but trust me... I know that we can get on the other side of this together. I have been learning a ton through all of this.

If you are struggling with feeling rejected by your family, a friend, your birth family, a boyfriend or girlfriend... Whoever it is that you feel that is rejecting you, know that there is only One person that will never ever reject you. And that is Jesus.

Yes, people will always reject you and fail you, but Jesus will never do that. He loves us unconditionally and is always there for us through thick and thin.

I have been rejected by family, friends, and birth family. It was extremely hurtful for me for awhile and still kind of is. But to be quite honest, it has been super good for me. Because as I have been healing from all of this, I have grown so close to the Lord through it. It has just been extremely amazing.
If we can learn to forgive those who have hurt or rejected us, then it will be extremely helpful for our healing process. But one thing that is extremely important is to know that Jesus is on our side. If He is the only person that we have, that is truly and honestly all we need.

Lean on Jesus!

Where should I find my Joy?

In the past, when I go through hardships and trials, I was always super down and didn't know what to do. I felt that I just couldn't help but being depressed when I go through hard times. But to be quite honest, we can be joyful during these times... We just need to know where we can find everlasting joy. If we look to our friends or other things in life, we will only have temporary joy. So where do we find everlasting joy if we can't find it in others?

The only place we will find joy and peace during trials is at Jesus' feet. He is the Ultimate source and is the One that will be there for me 24/7. Friends and family will not always be there, and sometimes they will fail you as well. 

Let's rest at Jesus' feet and give Him all our burdens and stress to Him. He is the only One that will ever fully satisfy us. 

Hold onto that.